Sep 20, 2008

Very Sad

Yesterday, i was about to send son to class when he asked me question that i never thought will be asked by my kids. His question makes me really sad and it really made me thinking afterward. As you know, Son is always so full of questions. So he asked me this : Son : Mommy...why I have to go to school??? Me : You need to learn new things. Next time when you are big, you can become a scientist like Fighting Uncle Moster (Dr.Otto) or maybe like Bruce Banner (Incredible Hulk). Son : But why have to go to school?? Me : Ya lah..if you don't go to school, how are you going to learn to read books and do your maths?? When you big..big already, you can go to work like mommy and daddy. Son : But..why I have to work? Me : So that you can buy mommy big..big car next time!! Maybe you can buy mommy car like daddy's!! (hehehehee..materialistic sungguh the mommy nie!!) Son : and Isaac can buy mommy a chocolate too?? and a very biggggggg house too?? Me : Yes!! *smile* Son : Mommy...but why you have go to work?? Me : Ya lah..mommy have to find money to buy your milk, inesha's milk, diapers and all the foods at home. Your friend's mommy also working, right?? Son : No! All my friend's mommy not working. They always come to school to fetch my friends. Mommy..you no need to work lah.. *sad face* Me : Cannot sayang...later not enough food to eat..then how?? Son : Tell daddy to work lah..ask daddy the money!! Mommy no need to work..Only daddy need to work. Its always boy who find the money..not girl.. Me : ..... (Don't know who tell Isaac that!!) Son : Once isaac finished school, mommy can fetch me like my friends mommy..ok! Then isaac can hold mommy's hand and go back home..

Uwaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Never in my life I felt sad like yesterday..Does this means i don't spend enough time with my kids?? Does this reflect my absence in my kids life?? If its not because of my son's hopeful expression, i would be able to control my emotion and won't feel so guilty..but seeing him and hoping i would be with him and inesha all the time? It really breaks my heart to see his sad face.
Now, i have this plan to further my study..and working at the same time. How am going to give myself 100% to my kids? Probably i sound selfish here..but i can assure you, I love my kids with all my heart. But..there is no way i can spent all my time with them..
Oh god!! I don't know what i should do or think now...*sad*

22 comments:

Ethel said...

Aww.. the dilemme every parents face, I think: Giving the right answer to every questions they asked. Especially like the ones asked by your son. :(

I dunno what to say lah, coz I've never experienced being a mom yet. I only have kids yang berbulu which never asks any questions.. so.. :P

Just give them lots of hugs and kisses maybe, so they know how much you love them! :D

Ethel said...

Aiyo, ada typo error. I meant to say * dillema. :P

Wel^Beiolman said...

wow...congrate mama!u should be proud of urself at your child's way of thinking..he's actually really good...I think he was sad and felt being left behind after seeing his friends always being fetched by their moms...he raised the matter means he's requesting something which is not easy to get from a child..its for a long term..and he's actually reminding himself of his own responsibility as a man/male...great!I would suggest..u to think what he had said and think of is as..probably a metaphor.there are 2 men who you think you love..both of them available and waiting for you with cost.if you select a over b..cost could be a credit but still along the way it comes with debit as well..if you select b over a..the cost could be a debit but at the end it changes to credit....what the goods between a and b...what u can get from a and what can u offer a if you select a...the same applies to b...

...thinking something better for your family and child means better income and more time with them especially your child...to make them happy means you have to sacrifice your things...to make you happy means you have to sacrifice them and hope they would understand...which is what you think would work for you and your family...long term both can offer great deal..but for some reason..thinking more of your thing than your child could lead to something that we always wanted to avoid..not now but perhaps once they're and teen/adult...we are the one who shape their mind and well-being..


I don't know if this could shed some light..am not a father nor experience in managing if I were you..I would stop working..ensure things are under control before resign though..especially financial..I have to..for the sake of my own blood and family..and my eternal asset..

Sorry and sad to hear this...

Choc Mint Girl said...

I can feel you, cuz. Even though sya belum ada anak, but sya faham betul tu situation. Lebih2 lagi si Isaac ni, cepat betul dia befikir. Sepa yang ambil dia dari sekolah?

Nora said...

Hai,

I understand what you felt. Being a mother to my 2 years old, I know that my baby realy missed me when I'm not around. My maid inform me that, she will be such a nice girl, when she with her but she quickly change when me and my hubby cames back from work.She will cry,and desperately seeking for attention.

Me & hubby sometimes outstation and she will act tantrum whenever we cames back. Its hurt sometime when we have to go to work, but our heart is at home.

All we can do now is, spent a quality time with her in weekends,or whenever we have the time. Be more patient and tolerante.

Its hard to be carrier woman and a mother at a same time rite...

Mimi said...

i know how u feel... and i think most career mommas would feel the same way too.. it's not easy juggling between work and being a mom, especially to two very young children. and i tell you, it's even harder to study at the same time...

but then, i'd have to agree with nora. what we can do now is spend as much time with them as possible, whenever we can. it's the quality that counts, not quantity...

i always wish to be a SAHM too... to be able to prepare bento for my kids, to wash cloth diapers on my own, to bake cakes for my family, learn to cook, clean the house - but we just couldn't afford to have single income right now. maybe someday...

Kobie Vanessa said...

Sedih o dis story, kinda remind me of my childhood memory. Parents working & going happy hours, only us left with the garang aunty..heheh.. But sudah besar ni baru pandai fikir why dat happen.

Hopefully, u will find a better solution to dis problem soon :).

mom2ashleyaidan said...

I know how you feel and that was exactly why I put brakes to my career and chose another job which allowed me to work from home 100%. My boss is supportive of the flexibility I've requested. Only thing is work sucks la but then u can't have everything right?
so yea... I so know the dilemma you ate going through..

Lab papa said...

Kadusmama,

Look at the positive side kadusmama, no need to sad kio. That means your son extremely love you. Horrah!

chegu carol said...

let me share a conversation between me and my 7 yo nephew (again).

nephew: aunty carol, uncle dwayne go to work ah?

me: yes.

nephew: i hope uncle dwayne will not be like my daddy. always go to work and comes home very late.

me: but your daddy has to go work. if not, no money to buy your books or stay at hotels.

nephew: i know..i know...but i wish he doesnt have to work so much.

....

nephew: but if he doesnt work...i have no money to go to school, right, aunty carol?

me: thats right sean.

nephew: but, tell uncle dwayne to not work so late ah. dont be like my daddy ah.

me: *speechless*

my point is...yes, kids do realize the time they have missed with their parents. as long as we are aware of that and try as much to put quality time with them...i guess, they will understand why their parents have to work...sooner or later.

you son is very observant lah Ty.
now, dont be sad. at least u now know, whats bothering ur son (or maybe ur daughter) and can think of ways to make things better. Kan?

Happy Sunday!

*panjang oh comment ni kali*

Nick Phillips said...

Don't worry too much about it cos when they grow older, they won't want to be seen near their parents, like my son now la ... LOL!

Anonymous said...

I was like u once, torn btwn the kids and a carear. However, one day husband died (accident). After the grief is over, I was then thankful that I had a job/carier (how to spell that). I suppose, we had to try our best to cherish and show our children that we love them. Call them on the phone if u cant be with them physically, whenever u have the opportunity.

Do u know that there are moms who stay at home but spend time doing something else (eg majong, galivanting) instead of spending time with kids? - Dont't feel bad. My children turn out alright, yours too.

Kadus_Mama said...

Wow!! many comments here...

ethel ~ Lots of hugs and kisses are definitely given to kids.. :)

wel^beiolman ~ Well, I don't actually want to resign yet. Just need to find solution on how to make my son understand why mommy cannot be with him all the time. I just want him to understand that I do love him very much but just can't be with him all the time he wants..

Kadus_Mama said...

Choc Mint Girl ~ Itu lah tu cuz..si isaac nie telampau banyak bepikir bah.. :(
Selalu teacher dia hantar sampai sana ground floor rumah..nanti my MIL tunggu dia sana lah..

Nora ~ Oh..!!! That is sooooo true..my kids are sometimes like that too..throwing tantrum to seek our attention..
Glad I'm not the only mommy who feel so guilty now

mimi ~ I know its going to be hard for us this few years..but I'm hoping my kids will understand me one day..
Due to the financial constraint of our country now, i don't think resigning now will be a good idea..hope things will get better soon..

Kadus_Mama said...

Kobie vanessa ~ iya bah kan..your parents pun sampai sekarang masih keja juga..suma kamu pun turned alright juga.. :)
see apa macam nie nanti..hope can do something to make my kids feel better..

mom2ashleyaidan ~ if only my work can be done at home..which is impossible.. :(
But good to know you are able to spend more time with your kids while working at the same time..

lab papa ~ my son love us very much..thats why mau us stay home saja hari2...i did explained to him yang us parents need to find some money to provide a better life for them..kadang2 my son nie paham juga..tapi ada masa..dia doesn't want to understand..rebel pulak jadinya..

Kadus_Mama said...

Chegu Carol ~ Oh!!!! Thats so good to know..bukan isaac jak yang pikir like that..your nephew does that too..
Memang Isaac paham juga bah tu why we are working..but maybe he missed us so much?? I don't know..
Apa pun..hope he will try to accept the fact that mommy works to support the family too..not daddy only..

nick phillips ~ LOL!!!! I guess that is true..i was like that when i was young.. :p

anonymous ~ :( So sorry for the lost of your husband..but your comment really help me..
I was thinking the same too..*touchwood* if something ever happend to hubby, at least i still can support my family..t
Thank you so much for your comment.!!! I really does change my mind a lot..
I hope you are better with your kids now..take care

Poppet said...

aiya.. I post a comment hari tu.. but tiada pula turn out here... hehehe and it was a long comment now sia malas mo tulis da hahahaha..
But kadusmama, dont worry about it.. semua smart children are like that.. it is not that you dont spend enough time with them... it is a matter of comparing what their friends have, what they have.. their friends' moms come and pick them up in the afternoon, but Isaac's mom does not.. that's all. Even if you SAHM, it does not guarantee you will give 100% attention to them.. you probably be tired with housework too and tense stay di rumah the whole day.. you never know can.. kids always want more attention, even if you stay with them 24hours, they will ask for more or probably less hehehe. Cheer up Kadusmama :) you are doing a great job with your works and kids.. keep it up.

Nessa said...

I think it's wonderful that he talks to you and share what's on his mind. At his young tender age, that is very rare.

Show lots of affection (which I'm sure you do). Eventually the kids will faham why we have to work.

Kadus_Mama said...

poppet ~ oh ya kah pulak?? Then I'm feeling better already..at least bukan my son saja questions napa sia selalu teda di rumah..

Nessa ~ My son is like that all this time..thats why his class teacher pun complain pasal he think too much..jahat bah kan!
Of couse me sayang2 my kids..give them lots of hugs and kisses..but maybe thats not enough for them..mau juga the mother stay 24/7..and i just cannot give that to them just yet..

Choc Mint Girl said...

Ohhh... Next time if you ambil cuti, sekali-sekala ko pigi ambil dia dari sekolah, but ko kastau dia la yang bukan hari2 dapat buat camtu. Mesti happy dia tu, mungkin kurang suda dia fikir yang bukan2 if dia nampak kawan2 dia mom dorang yang ambil. :)

Just said...

Hmm... both me and bro pun selalu kena kasih tinggal dulu coz parents are working. Tp, nda pulak sia ingat if sia pernah tnya ni ques sama my mum. Nanti sia blk rmh, sia tnya. Maybe, utak budak2 dulu nda seadvance budak2 skrg ba kan.. jgn la sedih2 k..

Kadus_Mama said...

Choc Mint Girl ~ Adeh cuz..satu tahun 7 hari jak cuti sia..kalau mau cuti, memang kira yang betul2 emergency baru sia ambik..hehee
Tingu lah..mengkali 1 hari lah baru ambi.. :)

just ~oh iya??? emmm...for sure budak sekarang mana sama macam kita dulu2..sekarang telampau advance pemikiran dorang..bikin takut juga kadang2..hehehee