Yesterday, i was about to send son to class when he asked me question that i never thought will be asked by my kids. His question makes me really sad and it really made me thinking afterward. As you know, Son is always so full of questions. So he asked me this : Son : Mommy...why I have to go to school??? Me : You need to learn new things. Next time when you are big, you can become a scientist like Fighting Uncle Moster (Dr.Otto) or maybe like Bruce Banner (Incredible Hulk). Son : But why have to go to school?? Me : Ya lah..if you don't go to school, how are you going to learn to read books and do your maths?? When you big..big already, you can go to work like mommy and daddy. Son : But..why I have to work? Me : So that you can buy mommy big..big car next time!! Maybe you can buy mommy car like daddy's!! (hehehehee..materialistic sungguh the mommy nie!!) Son : and Isaac can buy mommy a chocolate too?? and a very biggggggg house too?? Me : Yes!! *smile* Son : Mommy...but why you have go to work?? Me : Ya lah..mommy have to find money to buy your milk, inesha's milk, diapers and all the foods at home. Your friend's mommy also working, right?? Son : No! All my friend's mommy not working. They always come to school to fetch my friends. Mommy..you no need to work lah.. *sad face* Me : Cannot sayang...later not enough food to eat..then how?? Son : Tell daddy to work lah..ask daddy the money!! Mommy no need to work..Only daddy need to work. Its always boy who find the money..not girl.. Me : ..... (Don't know who tell Isaac that!!) Son : Once isaac finished school, mommy can fetch me like my friends mommy..ok! Then isaac can hold mommy's hand and go back home..
Sep 20, 2008
Uwaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Never in my life I felt sad like yesterday..Does this means i don't spend enough time with my kids?? Does this reflect my absence in my kids life?? If its not because of my son's hopeful expression, i would be able to control my emotion and won't feel so guilty..but seeing him and hoping i would be with him and inesha all the time? It really breaks my heart to see his sad face. Now, i have this plan to further my study..and working at the same time. How am going to give myself 100% to my kids? Probably i sound selfish here..but i can assure you, I love my kids with all my heart. But..there is no way i can spent all my time with them.. Oh god!! I don't know what i should do or think now...*sad*